It is weekend. Lara invites Bennett for a game of chess and some goofing around. Later, Bennett does the dishes. He’s a good kid.
I would arrange some party, but the family is flat broke after buying that telescope, so we should work on earning some money.
We spend the next day at the park, having a gold level date with Sergej and Jill, while Lara plays chess, mostly. In the evening, we find out that Jill is pregnant again. Sergej doesn’t seem to be. So, probably no alien babies this time.
There’s a fire in the kitchen, and the toilet breaks. Business like usual. Everybody knows how these things go on a legacy lot when you’re broke.
So we don’t have a stove anymore. That means we’re down to eating salad. At least we have fresh fruit from our own garden and can make fruit salad.
Yesterday I ended up being distracted by Civilization 6. It’s been a long time I played these games, and the only game I really played was Civilization 2. I played it to death. I have completeted it with almost all nations under different circumstances. I knew all the stats of all the units. I was a wandering Civ2 encyclopedia. My mother, who is a psychotherapist, always wanted me to be diagnosed with autism. I don’t have full blown autism, though. There was a therapist who said, I have autistic tendencies. Maybe. My brain is wired differently, and I do have clinical depression, and some other things that I’m not going to explain on a Sims blog, so I’m not a neurotypical person. I do feel ‘normal’, and I can function well enough, but sometimes my brain breaks down and then I’m just a human broccoli. Or some other dumb vegetable.
In the vegetable state, I don’t feel anything, I don’t want anything, social interaction makes me angry and/or afraid. The only thing that I can reliably do in that state is reading books and playing computer games. As a child, I used to be able to draw, but now drawing makes me even angrier than talking to people when I’m in vegetable state, becase now I can see how hideous my drawings are. No, they aren’t hideous, but when my brain doesn’t work, my brain sees them that way.
And I had acute phases all the time until my early twenties. And since I never left the house until it was really, really neccessary during these times, I played games. Diablo, Civ2, Heroes of Might and Magic III, Caesar II, Pharao+Cleopatra, Age of Empires – I played those very hard, and I knew everything about them. I was… don’t know, 11? 13?
I don’t play that much now, because I’m an adult with responsibilities, and even if my brain breaks down and doesn’t process certain chemicals like it needs to, I have taught myself to go through the motions anyway, and most of the time, I succeed. But sometimes I just wish to succumb. I just want to not think about anything. I want to escape the world and the chemicals in my brain, and I want to feel good feelings, because those are the most affected by my disease. But I can’t feel my own feelings, so I have to feel someone else’s. It sounds weird. But when I’m reading a book and I can identify with the characters really good, I feel happy when they do. Or sad. At some point, it doesn’t matter to me what I feel, I just want to feel something.
Games make me feel things, just like books, and sometimes even more so, because I can actually influence things, so it becomes about me, and my feelings are somehow more real to me. The Sims game makes me feel things at the moment. And currently, thinking about my Sims and their lives is a good thing for me, because it keeps my brain from going numb all the way.
But I digress. Let’s return back to the Raventree Estate. We will need a tree, by the way, a giant tree somewhere on the lot, and that will be the Raventree. But we don’t have money for that.
The family likes to eat sitting on beds lately, even if they have a perfectly working table with three chairs. I have no idea what’s wrong with them.
Bennett came to visit and did all the dishes on the lot. I really like that boy.
Time continues to pass. It’s almost time for Jill to have her second child, and she takes family leave. When Lara is at school and Sergej is at work, she goes to a museum.
She finds herself really hungry though, and decides to use the public grill to make something to eat and enjoy the scenery. She probably won’t have the chance to do so for a while once the baby is there.
She seems really thankful for the fact that there was a bathroom nearby. I know the feeling, being a mother myself. Especially the last days of the pregnancy aren’t very comfortable, when you’re the size of a beached whale and feel exactly like one.
This is certainly not a big house, and the yard is a mess, but I like it. It feels alive, being lived in. Form follows function. So I think I won’t plan a house. I will just follow the needs that arise and let it come together on its own.